do i smell determination?

Ain't it funny, when you find yourself making so many resolutions, you kinda lose sight of what you are doing right?




I had about a page and a half...I narrowed it down to three. Three resolutions that are going to be the basis for my whole 2005 year. I know people never stick to their resolutions after January, but I plan on this time. Three simple resolutions.




As silly and cliché as it may be, losing weight is my number one resolution. In fact it's been my number one since I learned I was the third biggest girl in my 8th grade class, ( Come to find out they were talking about height...hmm). I've always been a "thick" girl...I had a banging butt and hips when I was 12...and you can't tell me that was fat, my tomboyish activities helped me burn too many calories for me to be overweight. Either way, with my mom's never ending comments that I'd never find a husband being fat, ( you've no clue how damaged i SHOULD be), and my noticing that the big girl never made it on the magazine cover or the TV screen (clearly before the big girl movement led by Mo'nique and others), I decided that I was gonna be model thin before I left for college.




You can imagine how impossible that would be being that, my family is filled wit thick people, and I just wouldn't look right being mad skinny with my size head. Seriously, would you be my friend? I wouldn't...




Point is that's resolution number one, and I'm actually going to exert some sort of effort to get it done. Damn it, how hard can it be to cut back on carbs and actually walk someplace? I know I can do it guys!




My second resolution, is to think before I speak. I'm notorious for saying things as they come to me, no real thought put into much, just blunt honesty and that hasn't been working to well for me...You gotta think about the sensitive people, the stupid things that come out your mouth, and the promises you makes...SOOO, it's not that I'm deaf, I'm not slow...just takes a while to get used to thinking before actually words spill from my lips.




Third, I, like most 20 soon to be 21year olds in this world, need to be about my business. I need to get stable and stay stable. I need to grow up and get out there and make a damn decision, and stop letting people stunt my growth because I care for their well being more than mine. Crazy, but it runs in the family. I guess sometimes, you just gotta push people aside, put things on hold, so that you can do what you have to, all just to get where you're going. I never thought I might actually have to disassociate myself with certain individuals...but it seems like I just might have to be on some reclusive shit from now on. I don't know, I don't want to keep going from one extreme to the other, despite that it's what I do best, it's not good for me or anyone around me. Tima needs to find her path in this world, I need to find my route, the rough and ragged road because the scenic one isn't doing it for me. Hopefully, along the way, I don't lose my sense of humor, or my ability to connect with 80 percent of the people I meet. I'd hate to end up like the partenal family, or be lonely because of an inability to successfully socialize with people. I'm too cute for that damnit!




Of course with the help of my entourage, I'm sure I'll successfully keep my resolutions, and find the determination deep down inside to be the person i hope is strong enough to take life by the horns and ride that bull till it cums....to a halt that is...




We shall see...o yes people...WE WILL SEE! muaaahaaahaahaaa (evil laugh)!