...mad crazy excited to finally have some sort of break. Lied my ass off to my bosses, telling em I was going to a wedding in which i was the broke maid of honor that had to get the cake and make a speech. I even got confused as to who i told that story to and who knew the truth. Either way, by monday i should be well on my way or already there.
...My pookie's my host. I'ma behave Pook, i pinky swear. No drinking, no wilding out, no strange men in ya crib, no weird activities in the bathroom....just pure fun fun.
YO dudes...are like the weirdest. I just wanna be single or with JL. Cuz this whole "playing the game" shit aint me. I don't want nothing from nobody. Even if i need it, i don't want it.
I can finally go swimming! (Damn, my hair.)
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Thursday, July 28, 2005
so much drama ...
...in the nyc. It's MAD hard being a 'single' african female out here. THis independence shit makes me wish i was still a kid, sitting next to my father at the dinner table as we mapped out how much i was to get for allowance on a weekly basis. Life was good then. Now, it's filled with bills, stress, beggin ass family members, and grimey ass people. You, NEVER EVER know a person. And dats forreal. People always switch up on u. And the people you love most and trust with your life will be the first ones to fuck you over.
...It's hard being this righteous, legit black female in New York. At this point, i understand why girls become tricking ass hoes. I get why the golddiggers exist. I know why people use people. But for some reason, and damn that reason, i cannot bring myself to do no shit like that. I'm one of the nice guys, and i am last in this race for stability. It's almost like the dark side calls everyday. God knows i get my fair share of propositions and weird offers. But why do i always turn them down. I figure if one person gets the nany in exchange for bread, my reputation will go down toilet, along with my self respect. So why is it that most people can just do it...what's my disfunction? Or is the brainwashing my parents did catching up with me again.
...i'm rambling, ima get off now. Got some thinking to do.
...It's hard being this righteous, legit black female in New York. At this point, i understand why girls become tricking ass hoes. I get why the golddiggers exist. I know why people use people. But for some reason, and damn that reason, i cannot bring myself to do no shit like that. I'm one of the nice guys, and i am last in this race for stability. It's almost like the dark side calls everyday. God knows i get my fair share of propositions and weird offers. But why do i always turn them down. I figure if one person gets the nany in exchange for bread, my reputation will go down toilet, along with my self respect. So why is it that most people can just do it...what's my disfunction? Or is the brainwashing my parents did catching up with me again.
...i'm rambling, ima get off now. Got some thinking to do.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Summer time blues
...It's been hot, and hard as hell to get by these days. The summer heat prevents so many from truly accomplishing what they want to. Even eating is out of the question when the sun's rays are beaming down on us lil ants of the universe.
...My main concerns right now are paying back my debts to both the government and dear friends of mine who have been kind enough to lend me a helping fist full-o-cash, maintaining the slow developement of my soulmate and I's future relationship, and figuring out the best way to live in New York State without selling your soul for a really good apartment and/or car.
...I've been thinking about moving down south to join my girls in North Cakalaki. But the thought quickly passed when i realized how attached to my brothers I am. I'm worried to death about my brother going to school in Long Island for his freshman year...crossing state lines will have to wait til i leave the nest and fly on my own. For the moment, i kinda like playing 'sister-mother' to my huge ass baby brothers.
...It's been quiet the past three weeks. By quiet, I mean my cell phone hasn't been ringing off the hook like it has in the past. In fact, it's been a good month since i last got cursed out by a 'friend' concerning my negligence towards them. Has the world finally realized i got my own bullshit to deal with...or am i short a couple of hundred friends...either way works for me. Most of those people wouldn't have made it to my wedding anyway...( which, by the way,is not for another couple of years).
...In any case, things are looking up a little bit. I'm being patient because for once in my life, i'm on the right track, ( Funny how it happens when i finally give up on the system and did shit the way it works best). I always get lost when i get ahead of myself. School is my main concern. Financial stability comes right after. Shit, I might as well be somewhat educated if I might be broke in the future. I know things will get better for us these next two years. We Dione-Condes damnit, royalty in some countries. Well just one but whose counting!
...Amerika the 'beautiful', you've managed to rape me of my youth, my spirit, my motivation...God knows how you've tried to break down my cypher. Resistance is just the beginning of Revolution. It may not be televised, but best believe you will hear about it...
It starts with only one person...watch me work.
...My main concerns right now are paying back my debts to both the government and dear friends of mine who have been kind enough to lend me a helping fist full-o-cash, maintaining the slow developement of my soulmate and I's future relationship, and figuring out the best way to live in New York State without selling your soul for a really good apartment and/or car.
...I've been thinking about moving down south to join my girls in North Cakalaki. But the thought quickly passed when i realized how attached to my brothers I am. I'm worried to death about my brother going to school in Long Island for his freshman year...crossing state lines will have to wait til i leave the nest and fly on my own. For the moment, i kinda like playing 'sister-mother' to my huge ass baby brothers.
...It's been quiet the past three weeks. By quiet, I mean my cell phone hasn't been ringing off the hook like it has in the past. In fact, it's been a good month since i last got cursed out by a 'friend' concerning my negligence towards them. Has the world finally realized i got my own bullshit to deal with...or am i short a couple of hundred friends...either way works for me. Most of those people wouldn't have made it to my wedding anyway...( which, by the way,is not for another couple of years).
...In any case, things are looking up a little bit. I'm being patient because for once in my life, i'm on the right track, ( Funny how it happens when i finally give up on the system and did shit the way it works best). I always get lost when i get ahead of myself. School is my main concern. Financial stability comes right after. Shit, I might as well be somewhat educated if I might be broke in the future. I know things will get better for us these next two years. We Dione-Condes damnit, royalty in some countries. Well just one but whose counting!
...Amerika the 'beautiful', you've managed to rape me of my youth, my spirit, my motivation...God knows how you've tried to break down my cypher. Resistance is just the beginning of Revolution. It may not be televised, but best believe you will hear about it...
It starts with only one person...watch me work.
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