My whole life, up till 6 monts ago, I've been this relatively calm female. I laugh things off, see the upside of bad situations, and pretty much let things roll of my back. I don't hold grudges, and I find arguments, not debates, futile and unneccessary.
For some odd reason, my stint wit the African ( Mandigo my beloved) has been a very emotional, unstable, tear filled, and very out of character for me. I didn't understand why. I figured..." damn, I'm sprung off this dude." How do I fix this?
Even he said I was different, and becoming more neurotic than my usual self. He thought he broke me. I thought I lost my mind. I thought alot of things, one of them being that it was my transition from my normal self into the whole "Dione Family Psych Ward." (God knows that whole side needs to be there.)The point is I was freaking confused and having tear filled emotional breakdowns damn near twice a week. My friends and family think it's bi-polar disorder. They always use that excuse though. So many little battles with my brothers, It's like we were 7 and 5 again. What is wrong with me?
The only thing that has really changed for me since January 05, aside from my boyfriends, my job, and my bedroom, has been my consumption of birth control in the past 5 to 6 months.
The same birth control my mother told me I didn't need, she prefers I use condoms. The birth control I definitely never wanted to take before my relationship with someone whose life mission was trapping me into having kids with him. I've dealt with some crazy asses man.
So for the past several months, I've been consistently using the pill; Ortho Cyclen. It regulated my 28 day cycle, and lessened my cramps, didn't do much for my complexion or my weight. I never realized how much it affected me until my 8th breakup with Mandingo over bullshit that bought me to tears. Shocked as he was at my tears, I was petrified. I don't cry so easily, I don't typically care about alot of things in relationships or life in general that I find to be trivial ways of starting uneccessary bull between people.
Birth control made me a stereotypical female. Crabby, bitchy, emotionally unstable, sensitive as hell, mushy gushy, "I need my ICE CREAM A-FUCKING-S.A.P."-ish.
I was warned, many many times. Naturally I learn the hard way. I don't need anymore hormones in my system. I like the Tima I naturally am.
Friday, August 04, 2006
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2 comments:
poor poor TP your troubles with relationships resembles Danya's :)So much pain so much pain; I really really do hope for the best for you two :) I agree that it wasnt your personality that was naturlly changing it was the birth control taking control of your life :) lol
you are too young to have relationship troubles. you are especially too young to be going through this
but as usual NO ONE listens to me (except my babies... i take comfort in that...)
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